Deep Shit

Expect a stream of posts flow in this blog. Reason being, I have just realized that there is an Internet connection in my room. Sweeeeeet.... Now I can go and type the jet of my brain anytime I am in the room. Whee...

On the more serious note, somebody asked me this question today (or rather yesterday, since it is 4AM now), "Am I useless?". Of course the fella did not refer to me, but to herself. Err... I was honestly in the weird situation then. That was the second time (mind u, second time only) a female species of Homo sapiens cried in front of me. It was just very weird, considering that I am a hyperactivated (damn... too much reading about biofluidmechanics of sperm hyperactivation) fella, to whom girl's cry is as incomprehensible as turbulent flow in low Reynolds number flow...

"Am I useless?"

This is a question which some people ask when they are in depression. One way or another, I think almost (avoid hasty generalization - Red) everyone has ever been in a position whereby one is in a state of deep depression. Wahlau... the sentence very not-so-me, too cheem (Singlish for complex, complicated). Okay, put it this way, everyone has been in the deep shit before. True? As human being, there are many things that can destroy our plans. Anything and everything can go wrong, and sadly, most things go wrong while everyone thinks that they cant go wrong. Murphy's Law aside, I would really like to write down here what I have said to her. I do believe that the difference between the successful ones and the losers does not lie in the amount of problems they face. People do have their own sets of problems which can NEVER exceed their limit. However, those who are successful rise up from their falls. They dont just lie down there complaining about how hard they fall or how sucks their lives are.

"He helped me a lot."

Here lies a great challenge. I have observed that many people have turned their faces to others when they face problems. While getting support from friends is indeed a good thing, I seriously think that the only one person who is capable enough to solve a person problem is the person himself. I have mentioned in my previous post that problem is a challenge that needs to be overcame. As I have asserted previously, everyone (yes, absolutely everyone) has their own burdens. Asking them to support you is fine, but expecting them to solve your problem just doesnt make sense. That would mean asking him, not only to carry your burden, but to carry you. . What I mean is that while asking someone to solve a problem for you, you would not learn anything from that incident of your life, no? So, if you experience similar (or maybe not similar) problems, who would you turn to? The same fella right? So it is like he works for you as your problem solver.

"So, move on with your life."

Now I understand why my interesting experience with failures this month. Maybe all has been staged such that I could share with that lady of my experience coping with shit and depression.... But speaking of which, this month is not a horrible month after all... As I mentioned earlier, I got a direct Internet connection from my room. Yay!

Oh, and the girl is okay now... Hopefully it is not just a facade.

"Tomorrow is going to be a better day."

Failure Culture

First thing first: RM!!!
(this is to clarify my previous post)

Well if it is Friday and there is a blog entry, that means I jaga CBLC. Today I dont really feel like writing (or rather typing) just because I did quite some typing today and the day before due to the submission of the design project (ME21xy, x and y is of a forgotten value each). But then again, I have something in mind I would like to register, which is about failure.

Over the course of one week or slightly more, I have experienced a lot of failures, up to a point that I think I am immune towards failure. In a way it is good thing coz failure is indeed (I am banking on this) a delayed success. However, I do believe that failure can be more than just a delayed success.

I have learned in my management course that the culture of failure would drive a company forward, causing many many many creative products to be found. Do you know that post-it was a failure? The 3M company was experimenting with a new type of adhesive glue which is supposedly strong and transparent. While it was indeed a transparent one, it was not sticky enough. However, they dont just accept failure as it is, they invent the almighty post-it! The marketing part is another story. The thing I have learned here is that failure might not only be a delayed sucess, but failure might actually be a success in disguise.

While I dont really know and care which category does my previous failure belong to, I do understand that there is absolutely no need of scared to fail. Take the opportunity as you dont know what lies ahead of you. Given I have failed to do X, there would still be next time. Probably not exactly a nice thing to experience failure coz naturally it is painful, but tell me which learning process is not painful? Even I found it painful to learn html (eyesore...)

PS: There is no pun intended (for now) in my first two lines of this post.

*edited about 1 day after previous paragraphs*
PS2: I have never owned blue bluetack, just white...

GG

GG

Impossible Is Nothing

I have just came back from my lab session while Y requested me to write blog. (err.....) Anyways, the guy in front of me wore this Adidas T-shirt which is imprinted with these inspiring words:

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact, it is an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration, it's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary.
Impossible is nothing.

I have no absolute idea where this whole sentences originated from, but this does make sense. My bigshot friend from ACSI Boarding days, Dimas, always repeated these over and over till we all memorized it partially. In my dad's own word "Tidak ada masalah. Yang ada cuma tantangan yang harus kamu taklukkan" (Indonesian for "Problems never existed. There are only challenges which you must conquer"). If you have noticed, I have not used the word 'problem' consciously. Instead it is now 'challenge'.

I understand this post is just a quickie (err...) but one thing which should be pondered upon is that how many challenges we are facing today? How many of those we have conquered? Are we ready to face next challenges?

On the lighter note, I am recently addicted to this crazy stuff. The main vocalist has the ability to copy voices of famous singers. The other members of the band can switch around the musical instrument. Oh, and the band can change the musical genre quickly.
TeamLo 1
TeamLo 2
TeamLo 3
TeamLo 4
TeamLo 5

Few Words of Wisdom

Life has been a little bit challenging for me for the past few days. See my previous posts if you can get hint on my life. Anyways, these are some things that have spoken for me to last these few days. Some are commonsensical, some are new for me, but I need to write them down for keepsake. I hope this can be useful in the future, not only for me, but for whoever happen to read this thing:

1. There is no need to scream or to cry when you can face it all with a smile.
2. Strategize, but consider all scenarios, no matter how stupid the scenario is. Stupidest scenario may be the one which occurs.
3. It all started with small thing, but when you know, you cant back off.
4. Just try. Even if you failed, you gain experience from it.
5. Life is a game where you cant save or load.

PS: I know no 5 is supposedly the other way round, but you can look at it that way.

PS2: I am fine. Trust me.

Pre-VDay

Here I am. Stuck in my own corner in the Central Library (again) while I could choose otherwise. But it doesnt really matter coz as I have said it is my choice to take the $8/hr job. Anyways, 14 Feb is approaching and as usual I have this big fight inside my brain (or maybe my heart? I myself not even half-sure). The question is simple: Should I ask a girl out??? But the answer hell takes a lot of consideration.

Currently I consider organizing a single party where all the singles can gather and have fun without being left out. Mind you, this should not be regarded as a self-pity. Instead, I want to emphasize that there is nothing wrong being single at this point of life. You can have fun too even though you are single! While I cannot deny that personal intimate relationship with opposite gender is important (that's why the institution of marriage)... But well, having set my target market as: all single Indon in NUS, I face a challenge. It is as easy as smsing the guys to get them to come down, but how to get the chiobus (Singlish for pretty girls). I do believe there are quite a lot single Indo gals in NUS, but are they willing to *you know* attend the above-proposed event?

Well, this would be KIV, coz the production top-guys want the evaluation meeting to be (no prize for correct guess) on the VDay itself. Is it an act of denial / escapism? God knows... Who in their right mindset put a meeting on that day? It's kind of denying those who are attached or those who want to be attached in the committee. Anyone second?
*edited 1 min after previous paragraph is being written*
Okay, good decision bosses... Meeting is on 13th. But then it is a Wed. My Bizcom MC meeting. Oh damn... another clash on the way. Well since the PINUS one starts at 8pm, I guess I'll do hit and run...

Well, 1hr 15 minutes to end of my shift. Why do I work so much... Even during CNY. I always joked around that I worked during CNY for VDay, but then again, is it really NOT true? Honestly I dont mind spamming my $133/- I received for my hongbao (Chinese for red packet, money given by elders during CNY) from Foodgle, just for a girl I like (I try to avoid the usage of the term 'love' here). But am I ready for it? Lalala....

Question mark.
Question mark.
Question mark.

Another New Chapter

I've lost my application as UC PD this year. Uh well, little bit down (for exactly 3 seconds) and after that, well... actually everything was too perfect such that I half-expecting something unexpected to come up. I guess that would give me more time to learn before handling the real UC next year (can I hear an amen for that??). Haha... This makes me think as always that I am not worthy of being in my state right now. Let me illustrate this using a 2000-year old parable:

A boss called his three servants. He gave one servant 5000 bucks, second one 2000 bucks, third one 1000 bucks. Then the man went abroad for some business. After a few months, the man returned back. He summoned the three servants. The first servant proudly returned 10000 bucks to the man, saying that he did some business using the money entrusted to him and thus, he doubled the amount given to him. The boss praised this servant. The second servant carried with him 4000 bucks as his short term investment was a huge success. The boss praised this servant as well. The third man returned exactly 1000 bucks while complaining that his boss trying to get a cheap labor out of him. Well, the boss became pissed and told him to get off.

Well, I feel like the third servant.
*is that what you expect me to say?*

No, I feel like in the position of the second servant who is given less than half the money of the first one. I am talking about my talent and my strength here. In the world where everyone around me is the best out of the best, sometimes I feel inferior to them. Not that I am bloody stupid or something. Just that I am mediocre. Not good enough to compete against those guys around me. I realized that I am good at learning new things, but not to master them. However, in the world of meritocracy, only the best is considered. As I said, I think I am simply in the wrong place here. Add my financial challenges to that, well... That would double my challenge. Sometimes, this feeling of inferiority engulfed me especially when I am after girls hahaha... (why the hell the girls I like always bloody more than 3 times as rich as me??????? WHY?)

However, this feeling can bring me to thank God (to whom I believe 100%). You see, it is just impossible for me to be here, let alone doing pretty good job down here. I mean, not splendidly marvelously well done, but it is good enough for my survival. In the mean time, I think I should learn more and more things. Although a mediocre guy is no use, a handyman could be of a lot of use. Oh, I have decided to use my newly obtained thick-wood carpentry skill for a new project. Project Give All is on the course...

PPP

Post PINUS Production la.... It is a real blood-sweat-tears event (probably the first one...) figuratively and literally. Here's the one-liner aftermath for me from the PD: "Also to Mic yang dengan talent nya bikin props menjadi kelihatan nyata" Hmm... so I am just the prop boy eh? Well, prolly I can improve on it. But I hate (ok, unhappy) with the fact that my prop request was not 100% bloody done. Last minute saigang is enough to cover about 80% of the props but shit does happen (spillage @ RH, Dessy tripped, Jahat collapsed, dislocation, Thomasgate) oh well, next time (if there is any) I'd rather apply as log, rather than as VPD but in the end my job is only regarding log.

Speaking of which, my palm is as rough as sandpaper right now. Ok not literally la, just because I used the ultra-strong paint remover on my palm (been painting a lot these few days) my skin peeled and stuff. I dont know whether I should be happy or depressed regarding this. Well, to tell the truth I love the current state of my palm. It's like battlescar from winning a battle. Feels great you see... But the main challenge now is that it doesnt look nice. While to some extent many girls out there declare that outer appearance doesnt matter, IS IT FOR REAL? To be precise, does it not matter AT ALL? (why am I so concerned about this?)



"Aren’t you touched at all? Sweat, blood and tears, I have shed it all to show my devotion to you."
Is it your true view?