29 April's post

Today is my retaliation day. Whee... slept until 1pm (whee on one hand, damn on the other hand) but I skipped today's FA (sorry Ko Menthol). Yeah, been lacking of sleep for few weeks. I can take it but for someone whose just-nice-amount of sleep is 10 hours, I have deprived myself from my sleeping indulgence. Well, my best (or rather, worst) record of sleeping is 16half hours (should be longer, if only Danz did not play his guitar next bed)... That was just for my tabs keeping sake.

I did sound system as usual despite my unfamiliarity with the mixer (come on, man... 48 channels). Did a pretty fatal (not fatal, actually... but then it is very harmful) mistake by forgetting to switch the power level to zero before switching it off. Well Adrian (not the ISCF boss), you never taught me how to do stuff! How am I supposed to know what to do?! Okay lorh, gotta observe more and learn from my mistakes, whee...

Did I mention ISCF. Yeah. Talking about it, Nugie (my ISCF cell leader) came to my church today. Alone. I was wondering why he came today, considering he is the coordinator of his church's youth group. Ok, fine, you can meet God anywhere. But what about his responsibility? And the massive difference in the culture of the two churches? Did he not feel awkward? Humph... Shall talk about denominations later. Or maybe I should not... Very sensitive issue here.

I will leave for Nong Khai (Thailand) on 5th. I'll have to reach Changi (the airport) by 5 AM on that day. Each day, I've grown bad feeling about this thing. Especially when Ko Omar asked the Thai team to come forward to be prayed for. He mentioned something about we signed an indemnity form saying that we wont sue anyone if something happen to us during the trip (even if we die, no one is liable of any allegation). Okay, I am dead serious (pun intended) about my Nong Khai thing. Even if God tells me specifically that I'm going to die, I'll still go for it, if He promises that someone's going to be changed by my trip there. After all is not this trip God's calling to me? I have paid for this thing, which shows my commitment towards the trip.

Actually, regarding this bad feeling I have only one thing to worry about. And this is in the form of a girl. I AM really afraid I wont see her anymore. She would go back to her hometown when I am in Thailand. I mean something may occur to me (God forbid!) or her (God, please forbid!) that I could not see her anymore. I am real scared of this prospect. I know the chance of her returning this is very low, judging from her friendly response to me (which reminds me of Grace's response) and thus, I do not expect much. I dunno whether I would have any chances.... Lets be blatant. I am very very afraid of two things. One, I die on my mission trip. Two, she is taken during the holidays. Okay, I have known her for only 2 months, but it is enough for her to attract me.

Especially after today... I found her even more attractive than usual. Not because of her tank top (guys are weak at this, but sure I have seen many girls wearing much less than that) but for something I just could not explain (factor X, then...). I just like her even more. Is this love? Maybe, but I just want to spend more time with her. Till eternity maybe? Especially with the weird feeling inside me (see paragraph above). This reason of might-lose-her-forever alone gave me enough courage to ask her out on supper today. Sign that she trusts me? I dunno.

Anyways... I have been deserted by my own friends. Haha. Kidding. Actually I should apologize to them for umh... neglecting them. But then again I'M NOT ATTACHED FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! Oh well.. I dunno what will happen if some of us really get ourselves attached. I have no idea.... Oh well... for now just enjoy the moments.